face the music

shove the rubber in my ears
turn it up so loud they bleed
because id rather have blood fall from my ears
than face the music and confront my fears
i need a shock to my system
a release from reality
a rhythmic fantasy to drown my insanity
to survive the lie im living
to revive the life im killing
empty words echo in my head
while i lie in bed and run away
for hours on end the music plays
im meditating levitating
flying
the gravity of reality pulls me back to earth
dying
im done trying
i just dont want to be reminded
of what i've already decided to evade
now the song's begun to fade
and i have to make that choice between
pressing play again
or saying amen and finishing the prayer
that has been blaring in my ears
the ringing in my head feels so good
blood on the earbuds
runs down my neck like i knew it would
id rather bleed from the side
and be deaf in my ears
than expose my front and be ostracized
because its easier to put it on and lead you on
like a coat out the door before you go
and thats cheating i know
but maybe if i play it loud enough
the pain will never show