Watch and Learn

Imagine an artist. 

He sits on a bench in a courtyard. He doesn't move, he doesn't speak. He simply watches. The sky, the birds, the flowers, dogs barking, people walking, cars driving, trains moving. He just watches.

And then he goes home. He takes all that he's seen and heard and tasted and felt with him back to his workshop. He clears the table and prepares his tools, arming himself with a new canvas, a fresh brush and a clear mind. A clean slate. He constructs an image, a replication of these things that he observed from his day, from his point of view. This image, this representation of his experie
nce from that day or sometimes from previous days, this creation draws out the often overlooked beauty of the mundane, the routine, the ordinary. This image--part reality, part personality--exposes the viewer to wonders previously unseen and never before considered and invites the viewer to participate in the artist's experience.

Oftentimes the artist is credited with skill in painting or drawing or sculpting. While this is usually true, this is not his primary strength. His strength is in his eyes, his ears, his feelings. His thoughts. His perception. He sees what you don't. He sees what you won't.

This is what I try to do. I observe. I think. I write. This is my canvas.

This sitting back and watching thing.. It's a double-edged sword. It's good to be able to observe things and see the beauty in simplicity and discover things that other people miss. It's also terrible because this also tends to be my approach for the rest of my life: sit back, watch it happen and hope for the best. I like blame this on my reserved personality but in reality it's just a bad habit that I've accepted as part of who I am. 

Right now I'm taking a class on article writing, and this class is pushing me to step outside of that "observing from afar" deal that I'm comfortable with and take steps be proactive and actually "get a story." I can look at something and make observations about it; that's easy. For example, have you ever noticed the way a person walks? Even if it's not a pronounced gait or limp? I pride myself on being able to pick out a friend in a crowd simply by the way they walk. I've seen enough people walking in my life and paid attention enough to recognize a certain stride and pace when I see it, even from a distance. That's just me observing. However, going out and engaging with people and 'making' a story is a whole new ballgame for me. It's still observing and writing, it's just more involving and engaging. This casual observation versus active participation in observation is sort of a personality clash for me. "It's not who I am." And it doesn't have to be. I can live with that.

It's a skill worth learning. And I intend on learning this skill, expanding horizons and broadening my experiences. At the end of the day, it still comes down to seeing, hearing, thinking, and then writing. That's what I want to do, that's what I like to do. And the more mediums I get to do that in, the better.

The perceptive artist in his workshop, the seasoned journalist in the field, the ambitious college student writing and producing from his garage. It's all art. Expression. Observation.

Gotta start somewhere.

QOTD 3

"When you meet an extraordinary person, it’s like they get inside you, under your ribs, and shuffle everything inside you around until they find space for greatness to grow. But extraordinary people always get away. And when they leave, they take that little part of you with them. Suddenly you find yourself with a gap in your chest that you don’t know how to live with. Suddenly you’re frightened of being yourself without them..." - Nick Ellsworth

Consistency

Definition

1) steadfast adherence to the same principles, course, form

2) agreement, harmony, or uniformity among the parts of a complex thing

Something that I've noticed about myself that needs to change. I am an erratic person. I'm not consistent. I'm not consistent in my personality, my emotions, my habits, my work ethic.. It's not good. Being two different people is not only hard to do, it's very taxing. I can't do it and I shouldn't be doing it at all. My inconsistency includes small things like feeling great one day and awful the next, to the two very different sides of myself, to the drastic fluctuation of my level of productivity, depending on the setting.

Example: At school, I'm not a great student. I put in the work, I study, I do my homework just like everybody else. I get decent grades, nothing special; I do what I have to do. At home, exact opposite. There's nothing due so I do nothing. Eat, sleep and video games. I don't do squat. And it's awful. Partly because I'm exhausted when I get home and partly because I'm really good at doing nothing. 

Character should not be swayed by circumstances or situation. Situations will always change, but I should not. My surroundings should not determine or sway the way I act or how I feel. Self-improvement, self-discipline, excellence, integrity - these aren't things you do for one day and then call it a night; it's continuous, ongoing, a part of who you are. To be successful, I must be consistent; to achieve goals, I must be consistent; to better myself, I must be consistent; to be happy, I must be consistent. I want to be one person, the same person, no matter what goes down. That's the goal.

Baby steps.

Ten things about consistency:

1. Consistency creates momentum.
2. Consistency is a habit that can be practiced and learnt.
3. Consistency breeds credibility.
4. The person who takes action every single day toward the attainment of their goal will always triumph over those who do it every once in a while. Always.
5. Many think consistency is purely a matter of willpower, and that people who are consistent have some kind of special ability to endure. Not true.
6. Surprisingly, doing something every day or nearly every day is actually far easier to sustain than doing it once in awhile.
7. Motivation is not enough. A person waiting for inspiration limits achievement to times when conditions are desirable. And conditions are rarely always desirable. 
8. Creating healthy rituals will take you further than desires and passions.
9. Consistency will induce failure at some stage, which in turn provides valuable feedback, which ultimately leads to better results.
10. Consistency is more about sustainability than it is about speed.

An Attempt at Poetry

When the party's over and the music drops
When your friends go home and the drinking stops
When things fall apart and your plans all flop
When emptiness is all you know
And the smiles you make are just for show
When it's all you can do not to sit and cry
And it seems the entire world has passed you by
It's only then do you know who you really are
True colors revealed when faced with fire
Only then will you understand what it truly means to be a man
To face yourself and question why
How you became an ugly lie
Filled with doubts and regret each day
Maybe these feelings have come to stay
But it's how you persevere that matters most
And how you press on after you've given up the ghost
You already have what it takes within
Go wash your face and repent of your sins
Look in the mirror and face your fears
Growth is not instant; it usually takes years
But if you really try to live each day
As if everything you have could be taken away
Then you'll appreciate what you have and know
Being content is a good way to grow
Having doubts or fears isn't necessarily wrong
It's how you survive them that makes you strong
Always strive to confront your fears
And those crippling doubts will start to disappear
Just be who you are and do your best
Tackle goals, chase dreams and never rest
Not every dream will pan out and come true
But at least you gave it a shot and did it while being you
Live a life worth living and never forget
The hand you've been dealt is the one you get

Divided and Conquered

They told me I had to leave him behind. They told me I couldn't bring him with me. I didn't care. I brought him with me anyway.

He lived in my closet; I fed him secretly. At first, he only came out at night; almost every night he would work his magic, do his thing, just like he used to in the glory days. But as the days wore on, the days got busier and the nights grew colder. Things got more complicated and he wasn't able to go out as often. Days, weeks, months went by without him working, practicing, performing. He grew sluggish, unresponsive, weak. They chained him to a chair, made him sit behind a desk and told him to study, learn, grow up, be responsible, make decisions. He stopped going out altogether.

When I brought him back, he was changed. Different. The things he used to do that were second nature before felt strange and foreign to him. He felt awkward and out of place in the space he used to call home. He wasn’t the same. He was worthless. I considered abandoning him, I told him to give up; it wasn’t worth it anymore. He had had a good run but maybe now it was time to call it quits. I argued and fought with him. I gave him until the end of summer to retire, to forget the dream, to look in the mirror and come back to reality.

It was that time. Summer was over. They told me I had to leave him behind. I considered it. And then I smuggled him with me again.

This time he was bolder, showing himself during the day. He was still weak and out of practice, but he was determined to regain what he had lost. In one week, he had made good progress. And then injury.

He was devastated. I had given him a second chance, a chance to prove himself and regain my trust, and the worst had happened. He could not go on. He had to stop, recover, start over. I shoved him back into the closet, angry and upset. Every week I would check on him to see if he was ready to return. Every week the answer was the same. He remained in the closet.

I went home to see my family. I brought him with me. Everyone was happy to see him, but he was only a shadow of his former self, it was plain to see. Nothing was the same.

I was leaving home again. They told me I had to leave him behind. So I did.