QOTD 3

"When you meet an extraordinary person, it’s like they get inside you, under your ribs, and shuffle everything inside you around until they find space for greatness to grow. But extraordinary people always get away. And when they leave, they take that little part of you with them. Suddenly you find yourself with a gap in your chest that you don’t know how to live with. Suddenly you’re frightened of being yourself without them..." - Nick Ellsworth

Happy Medium?

Is there such a thing as a "happy medium"? Is everything simply divided into black and white? Can I find a happy medium for myself? Can I find that fine line between being on and off? Being on track and being way off the mark? Being hot and cold? Being high one day and so low the next? Being dedicated and motivated one day, and listless and depressed the next? Can I just be a decent person? Can I be someone better? Not a complete jerk but not a stiff, unrealistic goodie two-shoes either? Can I just do what I set out to do without all the extra nonsense and fluff and filler? Do I really have to jump through all of these hoops? Can I just do me and leave out all the rest?

Can I just get a happy medium with a side of fries and get on with my life?

How to Do Mostly Nothing for Twenty Years

"Comfortable misery." Oxymoron right? How is it possible to be comfortable (something most people want and strive for) yet miserable or uncomfortable (something most people try to avoid) at the same time?

"It is like old, comfortable shoes. They are not attractive, but you keep wearing them out of habit. If you bought new ones, you would have to break them in. What if they pinched? What if they hurt? What if you didn’t like them? Better to just stay with what you have. Why take a chance?"

Think about it. How many times have I been okay and familiar with surroundings or circumstances or people or habits but wasn't nearly happy about it or simply hated it? Worst part - because I was 'comfortable' with it, I was in no hurry to take the necessary steps to change something.

Why do I do this? Why do I insist on being comfortably miserable? Why am I okay with being unhappy in my own little bubble when I can enjoy life if I just step outside its walls? Why am I okay to surrender to my fears and doubts? Why do I choose to live in this cage? Why do you?

Misery loves company, yes? Who wants to be unhappy by themselves? It's much easier to be unhappy with other people who feel the same or circumstances that never change. I can be miserable and unhappy right where I am and hold on to these certain things that make me unhappy because I know they're not going anywhere anytime soon.. because I'm not about to do anything to change it. If I had to write a book about my life up to this point, my autobiography would be titled something like "How to Do Mostly Nothing for Twenty Years." A fairly accurate title unfortunately. What would the title of your autobiography be?

The few times I have been willing to burst my own bubble and step out of my comfort zone has been so worth it, every single time. I took a huge step out of my comfort-zone this summer and absolutely loved it. This fear of change, of something different and unknown (especially for us reserved, less-adventures types) holds us back and ties us down. Unhappy enough to want change, but not enough discomfort to do anything about it. That's a terrible way to live really. Yet I do it. Many of us do.

I'm not here to solve problems or deliver answers. Those don't come to me right away. Sometimes simply raising the question is enough. "Why do I do what I do?" I've put a bit of thought into these here questions. I hope you do too.

QOTD #2

"You are the only one who can use your gifts. That is a huge responsibility."

Think about it.

Ashton Kutcher's Speech at TCA

Speaks for itself. Listen and learn.

Quote of the Day - August 13th

"Being angry is easy. It's easy to find fodder to make you angrier; it's easy to find things that will help fuel your rage. Being sad is also easy because people won't necessarily go out of their way to cheer you up. Being happy is f***ing difficult." - Max Scoville

My Dream

I want to make art. I want to write. I want to write something beautiful, something powerful, something epic.

I want to create a world that no one has ever seen before; I want to send on you a journey you'll never forget. I want to stretch your imagination, make your mind soar and let your eyes really see.

I want to write something that sticks with you, that makes you think, that causes you to change the way you see and feel. I want you to ponder and wonder and work out your thoughts. I want you to really sit down and think.

I want to make a person, create a character that you can believe in, that you can identify with, that you can root for, that you can know and love. I want to put you in his shoes, to follow in his steps, to ride the emotional rollercoaster with him. I want to make you laugh and cry, make you love and hate. I want you to rejoice in his victories and mourn his losses. I want you to wish this character was real. 

When you finish reading, I want you feel like you've been gone for ages; I want coming back to reality to be a difficult task. Whenever your eyes read these words, I want you to travel through time and space, across oceans and through galaxies, to alternate universes and places that have to be invented or discovered.

I want you to feel. I want you to understand. I want you to experience. I want you to know. That's all I want.

Before you dive in, before you enter the gates, before you turn the first page, I have to write it. I have to build, I have to try to construct and erect this masterpiece. I have to create this world, these experiences, these people for you to interact with, to explore, to bond. It has to be spotless, flawless, refined and perfected over and over again. 

This could take months, years, a lifetime. This won't be easy. The mind is not easily persuaded nor entertained by the words on a page. But this is what I want. This is what I want to do. This is my goal. This is my dream.

This could take a while.