Saturday, September 28, 2013

Torn

This is a sickness. This is an illness that weakens the body and churns the stomach; the cause of many a listless day and sleepless night.

This is a drug. This is an addiction, producing irrational habits, hallucinations, distorting sight and warping the mind.

This is the friend that takes me home when I'm wasted, nourishes me back to health when I'm hurting, talks me through my deepening darkness, removing the bullets from the gun.

This is light and dark, night and day. This is my passion and hope; this is my weakness and my downfall.



Monday, September 16, 2013

Watch and Learn

Imagine an artist. 

He sits on a bench in a courtyard. He doesn't move, he doesn't speak. He simply watches. The sky, the birds, the flowers, dogs barking, people walking, cars driving, trains moving. He just watches.

And then he goes home. He takes all that he's seen and heard and tasted and felt with him back to his workshop. He clears the table and prepares his tools, arming himself with a new canvas, a fresh brush and a clear mind. A clean slate. He constructs an image, a replication of these things that he observed from his day, from his point of view. This image, this representation of his experie
nce from that day or sometimes from previous days, this creation draws out the often overlooked beauty of the mundane, the routine, the ordinary. This image--part reality, part personality--exposes the viewer to wonders previously unseen and never before considered and invites the viewer to participate in the artist's experience.

Oftentimes the artist is credited with skill in painting or drawing or sculpting. While this is usually true, this is not his primary strength. His strength is in his eyes, his ears, his feelings. His thoughts. His perception. He sees what you don't. He sees what you won't.

This is what I try to do. I observe. I think. I write. This is my canvas.

This sitting back and watching thing.. It's a double-edged sword. It's good to be able to observe things and see the beauty in simplicity and discover things that other people miss. It's also terrible because this also tends to be my approach for the rest of my life: sit back, watch it happen and hope for the best. I like blame this on my reserved personality but in reality it's just a bad habit that I've accepted as part of who I am. 

Right now I'm taking a class on article writing, and this class is pushing me to step outside of that "observing from afar" deal that I'm comfortable with and take steps be proactive and actually "get a story." I can look at something and make observations about it; that's easy. For example, have you ever noticed the way a person walks? Even if it's not a pronounced gait or limp? I pride myself on being able to pick out a friend in a crowd simply by the way they walk. I've seen enough people walking in my life and paid attention enough to recognize a certain stride and pace when I see it, even from a distance. That's just me observing. However, going out and engaging with people and 'making' a story is a whole new ballgame for me. It's still observing and writing, it's just more involving and engaging. This casual observation versus active participation in observation is sort of a personality clash for me. "It's not who I am." And it doesn't have to be. I can live with that.

It's a skill worth learning. And I intend on learning this skill, expanding horizons and broadening my experiences. At the end of the day, it still comes down to seeing, hearing, thinking, and then writing. That's what I want to do, that's what I like to do. And the more mediums I get to do that in, the better.

The perceptive artist in his workshop, the seasoned journalist in the field, the ambitious college student writing and producing from his garage. It's all art. Expression. Observation.

Gotta start somewhere.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Waves

It's a funny feeling the first time something really hits you. Really hits you. It's like the floodgates have opened and the words begin to flow and you drop whatever you happen to be doing and just go with it. It's like being swept off your feet by a wave you never saw coming. You find yourself riding this wave, this surge of inspiration and momentum and you don't care where it takes you or where you'll end up. You simply let it run its course and take you where it wills. And when it finally sets you back on your feet in the sand, or lying belly-up in the surf, you look at this mess you've made and the ripples you've created and you feel amazing, exhilarated, and accomplished.

Standing there on the beach, trying to figure out what the heck just happened. Lost in the moment, lost in the thrill, acting on instinct, not thinking, just doing, just moving, going, feeling. Feeling.

And then you spend the rest of the day, or for some, the rest of your life wadding into the surf, paddling through the fire and foam, braving the incoming tide, searching for that perfect wave, for the next experience, for that feeling. To make that feeling become a reality again. You'll do whatever it takes to find it. Because there's really nothing quite like it.

You can't explain it. But you want it. You'll do anything to find it. And once you get it, you never let it go.


Tuesday, September 3, 2013

QOTD 3

"When you meet an extraordinary person, it’s like they get inside you, under your ribs, and shuffle everything inside you around until they find space for greatness to grow. But extraordinary people always get away. And when they leave, they take that little part of you with them. Suddenly you find yourself with a gap in your chest that you don’t know how to live with. Suddenly you’re frightened of being yourself without them..." - Nick Ellsworth

Monday, September 2, 2013

Happy Medium?

Is there such a thing as a "happy medium"? Is everything simply divided into black and white? Can I find a happy medium for myself? Can I find that fine line between being on and off? Being on track and being way off the mark? Being hot and cold? Being high one day and so low the next? Being dedicated and motivated one day, and listless and depressed the next? Can I just be a decent person? Can I be someone better? Not a complete jerk but not a stiff, unrealistic goodie two-shoes either? Can I just do what I set out to do without all the extra nonsense and fluff and filler? Do I really have to jump through all of these hoops? Can I just do me and leave out all the rest?

Can I just get a happy medium with a side of fries and get on with my life?