sunrise, sunset

remember when we used to gaze at the stars
and pretend that they were ours?
because those stars in the sky were the only connection we had
when the direction of our paths failed to cross
like strangers stranded on different islands
lost, hoping to be rescued and reunited again
and when the moon was overhead i couldn't hold it in
instead i would run outside
neck craned back, eyes to the sky
because deep down inside i hoped
you were doing the same thing as i
talking to the moon
praying this curse of separation would be broken soon
it was our little secret
just you and i

but now when i look into the sky
the stars that used to hang over you and i
are no longer over you, just over me
overseas, 180 degrees
ten hours ahead
when i wake up you're going to bed
two cups and string, the only thing keeping
this thing alive
is all but dead
because when you're awake im asleep in my bed
dreaming of all the words i left unsaid
and now when i search for sacred stars
i dont see them
because there's an ocean between us
a 5,000 mile reason i cant be there with you
you know i miss you

but there's gotta be another way
another way to convey what im dying say
a way to remind you
that though im not with you now
you are present in my thoughts everyday
and ill come back to you
somehow someway

last night watching the sun set it dawned on me
the big ball of yellow falls below the horizon i see
sinks into darkness and flies across the sea
to climb a different horizon outside your window
same sun different day

i know we cant see the sun at the same time
(well, unless you get up at sunrise)
but keep in mind that Sunny spends his time with me
before he makes his way over to you
so he'll tell you everything i tell him to
sunbeams from me passed along to you
i realized this is true
a way to get from me to you

ill tell him how much i miss you
how the smile on your face never fails
to erase any trace of doubt that
every moment with you
however few
is so worth it
how the sound of your voice gives me
no choice but to remember that
even though we sometimes cant speak for weeks
you're still there for me
even over the phone
feels like im back at home

there are no words for the warmth of the sun
for the life it gives, the light it spreads
so when my day is done
the sun, like a faithful messenger bird,
will carry all my words that have no words
so when the sun passes before your eyes,
when you see the light reaching above the horizon at sunrise
remember
he's talking to you
i'm talking to you
and even though the clouds sometimes block the sun from view
the sun always prevails and comes shining through
so i'll swim the atlantic ocean, ill do what i have to do
to make sure that whenever the sun comes out to smile on you
he's bringing my love from me to you

most me

When I have a lot to do, when I have no time to lose
anything I choose that doesn't accomplish my list of things to do
is a distraction
when I'm mentally detached from what hold the most traction
is when I'm most distracted, when my mind is attacked
with all the things that don't matter
trumping with all the things I could
potentially squander if I don't get started right away
when I'm most distracted my thoughts start to wander
and when my mind starts to walk away
my focus becomes far-sighted and I can't think about today
I thrive on things I'd rather do, on places I'd rather see, on the person I'd rather be
when I'm distracted I see things I never see
perception grows exponentially
for me this is an escape from reality
however momentary, short, or temporary
because sometimes the world is an intimidating place to be
but this distraction is a comfort to me
as long as this distraction allows me to transcend
the normalcy of to-dos hanging over me
because honestly
it's when I'm tied-down that I'm most free
when I'm blind I can better see
when I'm scared I can act most courageously
when I'm drowning I can better learn to breathe
when I'm most distracted I'm most me
gravitating towards things that yearn to be
my fingers begin dance and my soul breathes with ease
when I find myself writing scribbles like these
so when time is most pressing, when real life is too upsetting
I'll gladly distract myself, placing sanity on the shelf
for a few seconds of clarity, if that's what it takes

Worst-case Scenerio

It sits in the back of my mind, buried under the skin

eating at my flesh and feeding on my fears

At every wrong step, every collision of bone

in every sharp pain and cry of agony

I can feel growing

bigger and stronger

sprouting wings and curved teeth, wielding sharp claws

endlessly gnawing in the back of my head

like a maggot nestled in warm flesh

I can't live with this monster in my head

I can feel it sinking deeper with every doubtful thought 

it grows and deepens and burns 

And then the worst part of the nightmare

I wake up on the table to realize my pain has become reality

completely destroyed and hastily pieced back together

a mess of metal bars and steel plates remain

then I realize the nightmare has just begun