Wednesday, December 18, 2013

This Is Letting Go

Her body is nearly limp; her breathing is faint. My arms tremble as I struggle to hold her weight. When I first lifted her, I was confident that I could carry her all the way. I could save her. The walk was longer than anticipated. Turns out I wasn't as strong as I thought. I don't have strength for two. Not for much longer. My arms continue to weaken and the angry red stain on her shirt continues to grow. I'm running out of time.

"Help me!" I said, bursting through the door. 

He turned from his work and set his glasses on his nose. He lifted her shirt to reveal the deep gash across her stomach.

"I'm scared she's gonna die." I fought to keep my voice level. "I don't know what to do anymore; tell me what to do so I can save her."

"I'm going to have to work on her," He said after a moment's silence. He reached out to remove her from my arms.

I flinched.

"Just.. just tell me what I need to do." My voice wavered. My legs shook as I stood before him, the pain was becoming evident on my face.

He reached out again. 

"Give her to me," He said softly.

Time seemed to drain like the blood from her side. My pride or her life.

I passed her over to him and he carefully laid her unconscious body on the table. I slumped down the wall to the floor as exhaustion overcame me. I listened to the tools being prepared and organized. Suddenly I was lifted to my feet.

"I need you to step outside while I do this." His eyes peered into the storm of my soul as a wave of helplessness threatened to sweep me off my feet.

"How long will it take?" I managed. "Will she make it?"

The firmness of the grip on my shoulders settled my reeling emotions and put my deepening fear to rest.

"Trust me."

I could feel confidence returning to my feet as I made my way to the door. I gazed over my shoulder at her once more. He was already beginning to work; I could see color returning to her face.

I heard his voice once more as I hit the door.

"Remember the day I carried you in here?"

I lifted my shirt and traced the long scar across my stomach with my finger. I remembered now. My faith in His hands was strengthened once again.

Monday, December 9, 2013

Clarity

I never had career goals or ambitions or anything like that. I don't know what I want to pursue as a career. But I did aspire to be a world champion martial artist. Now maybe I'm not world champion material, but I can still be an artist. I can create art with my movements, I can create art with my camera, I can create art with my words. If being an artist means seeing the world the way other people don't or appreciating what other people miss and then expressing myself the way no one else can, then that's what I want to be.